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We hear it constantly. "You know what they say..." usually followed by a nugget of wisdom like absence makes the heart grow fonder or a penny saved is a penny earned. But who exactly are "they"? Honestly, most of the time, "they" are just a collective ghost of historical figures, tired poets, and ancient farmers whose advice stuck to the wall of human culture like wet spaghetti.
Clichés are weird.
They’re linguistic shortcuts. We use them because thinking of an original way to describe heartbreak or financial prudence is exhausting. Why invent a new metaphor when you can just lean on a phrase that’s been doing the heavy lifting since the 1500s? But here is the thing: a lot of the stuff you know what they say is actually wrong, or at least, wildly misunderstood.
The Evolution of the "They" in You Know What They Say
When someone drops that specific "they say" lead-in, they are invoking social proof. It’s a psychological trick. By attributing a statement to a vague, collective authority, the speaker bypasses your critical thinking. You aren't arguing with your friend anymore; you’re arguing with the "wisdom of the ages."
Language experts like those at the Oxford English Dictionary have tracked these idiomatic expressions for decades. Take the phrase "blood is thicker than water." Everyone uses it to mean family comes first. But if you dig into the history, there’s a compelling—though debated—argument that the original version was "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." If that’s true, it means the exact opposite of how we use it today. It would mean the bonds you choose (like soldiers in battle) are stronger than the ones you're born into.
It’s a bit of a mess.
We live in a world of linguistic telephone. A phrase starts in a 14th-century poem by Geoffrey Chaucer, gets mangled by a Victorian novelist, and ends up as a motivational poster in a corporate breakroom. Most of the idioms we rely on have been stripped of their context, leaving us with hollowed-out shells of advice that don't always hold up to modern scrutiny.
Why Brains Love a Good Cliché
Our brains are lazy. Evolutionarily speaking, this is a feature, not a bug. Your brain consumes about 20% of your body's energy, so it’s always looking for ways to save calories. Processing a brand-new, poetic description of "hard work" requires cognitive load. Hearing "no pain, no gain" requires almost zero effort.
Cognitive scientists call this fluency.
When we hear something familiar, we find it more believable. This is the Illusory Truth Effect. If you hear a phrase enough times, your brain starts to categorize it as "true" simply because it’s easy to process. This is why you know what they say is such a powerful conversational tool. It flags to the listener that "easy truth" is coming, and their brain relaxes.
But easy isn't always accurate.
Take "good things come to those who wait." This phrase actually appeared in a 19th-century poem by Lady Mary Montgomerie Currie (writing as Violet Fane). In the full context, it’s a much more nuanced take on patience. In the modern world of high-frequency trading and 15-minute grocery delivery, waiting might actually get you nothing but a missed opportunity. The context changed, but the cliché stayed the same.
The Most Misleading "They Say" Advice
Let’s look at some of the heavy hitters. These are the ones people throw around at dinner parties or during performance reviews.
"Jack of all trades, master of none." Usually, this is used as an insult. It’s meant to tell you to specialize. Be the guy who knows everything about one specific type of software. But the full phrase is often cited as "a jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one." While the "better than a master of one" part might be a later addition, the sentiment reflects the reality of the 21st-century economy. Generalists—people who can bridge the gap between different departments—are often more resilient than hyper-specialized experts.
"Curiosity killed the cat." People use this to tell you to mind your own business. It’s a warning against prying. But wait. The original 16th-century version was "care killed the cat," where "care" meant worry or sorrow. It wasn't about being nosy; it was about the physical toll of stress. Later, the "satisfaction brought it back" tag was added to the curiosity version, completely flipping the script again.
"Money is the root of all evil." This is a misquote of the biblical verse 1 Timothy 6:10. The actual text says "the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil." That’s a massive distinction. One blames an inanimate object (currency); the other blames a human psychological state (greed).
The Survival of the Catchiest
Why do some phrases survive while others die off? It’s basically Darwinism for sentences.
Memorable phrases usually have a few things in common:
- Alliteration (e.g., "practice makes perfect")
- Rhyme (e.g., "an apple a day keeps the doctor away")
- Vivid imagery (e.g., "don't count your chickens before they hatch")
- Binary structures (e.g., "easy come, easy go")
The phrases that stick are the ones that are "sticky" in the ear. It doesn't matter if the advice is actually good. If it sounds like a song lyric, you're going to remember it. This is why "u know what they say" is such a persistent linguistic marker. It’s the intro to the "hit song" of a specific piece of advice.
When Clichés Become Dangerous
While most of these are harmless, some can actually be detrimental. Consider "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Honestly? Sometimes what doesn't kill you leaves you with PTSD, chronic pain, or a lifelong fear of heights. Psychologists like Dr. Stephen Joseph, who specializes in post-traumatic growth, note that while people can grow from trauma, the cliché itself can be incredibly dismissive. It creates a "toxic positivity" where people feel they must be stronger after a setback, rather than allowing themselves time to heal.
Similarly, "the customer is always right" has ruined the mental health of millions of retail workers. This phrase was pioneered by retailers like Marshall Field and Harry Gordon Selfridge in the early 1900s. It was never meant to be a literal truth. It was a marketing slogan to make customers feel special. When taken literally, it empowers abusive behavior.
We have to be careful.
Words shape reality. When we repeat you know what they say without thinking, we are reinforcing cultural biases that might be outdated or flat-out wrong.
How to Handle Idioms in 2026
We are currently in an era where information is everywhere, but wisdom is scarce. The way we communicate is shifting toward shorter, more "memetic" styles. Clichés are the original memes.
If you want to use these phrases effectively—or stop being annoyed by them—you have to look at the intent. Usually, when someone says "you know what they say," they aren't trying to give you a history lesson. They are trying to find common ground. They are reaching for a shared cultural touchstone to make a point quickly.
But you don't have to just accept them.
Next time someone tells you "the early bird gets the worm," feel free to remind them that the second mouse gets the cheese. Both are clichés. Both contain a grain of truth. Neither is a universal law of physics.
Actionable Ways to Deconstruct Clichés
Don't let your brain run on autopilot. When you find yourself about to say you know what they say, or when you hear it from someone else, try these steps to keep your thinking sharp:
- Check the Source: Briefly ask yourself if you actually know where the advice comes from. If it’s from an ancient Greek philosopher, it might be timeless. If it’s from a 1920s advertising campaign for soap, maybe take it with a grain of salt.
- Invert the Logic: Most clichés have an equal and opposite cliché. "Look before you leap" vs. "He who hesitates is lost." "Birds of a feather flock together" vs. "Opposites attract." Realizing that there is a "counter-cliché" for almost everything proves that these aren't rules—they're just options.
- Specifics Over Generalities: Instead of using a broad phrase, try to describe the situation specifically. Instead of saying "it is what it is," say "I am frustrated by this situation, but I don't have the power to change it right now." It's harder to say, but it's much more honest.
- Update the Language: Some clichés are just old. "Sounding like a broken record" doesn't mean much to a generation that has never seen a vinyl skip. If the metaphor is dead, the advice usually feels dead too.
The Future of "They"
"They" are always changing. Today, the new "they say" comes from viral tweets, TikTok influencers, and Reddit threads. "It's giving..." or "Main character energy" are the clichés of the future. They serve the same purpose: they are shortcuts for complex social ideas.
Eventually, these new phrases will become as tired as "at the end of the day." Some future content writer will be explaining the "historical origins" of "no cap" to a group of bored teenagers in the year 2075.
Language is a living thing. It breathes. It grows. It sheds old skin.
So, when you hear someone start a sentence with "you know what they say," take a second. Appreciate the history. Recognize the psychological shortcut. Then, decide for yourself if "they" actually have any idea what they're talking about. Usually, "they" are just as confused as the rest of us, just with a better rhyme scheme.
Your next move: Next time you’re in a conversation and someone drops a cliché, try to find its "opposite" phrase. It’s a great way to see how much of our "common sense" is just a collection of catchy, contradicting slogans. Practice replacing one "autopilot" phrase today with a sentence that actually describes how you feel. It’s harder, but it’s a lot more interesting.
