Maybe you’ve said it to a driver who cut you off. Or maybe your mom said it to you during a particularly nasty Thanksgiving argument. The idea that you were born an asshole is a common jab, but it’s actually a question that keeps behavioral geneticists and psychologists up at night. Is "jerk-ishness" a hardwired biological trait, or just a collection of bad habits we pick up from watching too much reality TV?
Honestly, the answer is messy.
It’s not as simple as a single "asshole gene" sitting on your DNA like a ticking time bomb. But if we look at the Big Five personality traits—specifically Agreeableness—the data suggests that some people really do start life with a biological disadvantage in the kindness department.
The Biology of the "Natural" Jerk
Let’s talk about temperament. You’ve seen babies in a nursery. Some are chill. Others seem to be born with a personal vendetta against the entire world. This isn't an accident.
Research into the MAOA gene, often nicknamed the "warrior gene," has shown that certain variations can lead to increased aggression and lower impulse control. While calling someone a "warrior" sounds cooler than calling them an asshole, the social result is often the same. People with these genetic markers tend to react more explosively to perceived slights. They don't have that "pause" button most of us use to keep from screaming at a barista.
But genes are just the blueprint. They aren't the house.
A study by Caspi et al. (2002) found that the MAOA gene only really predicted antisocial behavior when combined with a rough childhood. If you have the gene but a stable home? You’re probably fine. If you have the gene and things go south? That’s when the "born an asshole" narrative starts to feel like a destiny. It’s a classic case of nature loading the gun and environment pulling the trigger.
Why Some People Just Can’t Feel Your Pain
Empathy isn't just a choice. It's a neurological process.
The prefrontal cortex and the amygdala have to play nice for you to care that you just hurt someone’s feelings. In some people, the wiring is just... thin. We call this "low trait empathy." It’s a core component of what psychologists label the "Dark Triad": narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy.
When you think you were born an asshole, you might actually be looking at a high score on the Narcissism scale. These individuals have a genuine, structural difficulty in seeing others as anything more than tools or obstacles. It’s not that they’re choosing to be mean in every moment. It’s that their brain’s "reward center" lights up when they win, even if that win comes at someone else’s expense. They lack the mirror neurons that make most of us feel a "twinge" when we see someone else cry.
The "Agreeableness" Spectrum
In the world of psychology, "asshole" isn't a technical term. "Low Agreeableness" is.
Agreeableness is one of the Five-Factor Model traits, and it’s highly heritable. Around 40% to 50% of the variance in this trait comes down to your DNA. If you score low, you are naturally more competitive, skeptical, and blunt. You don't value social harmony. You value being right. Or winning. Or just not being bothered.
- Low Agreeableness: "I'm just being honest."
- High Agreeableness: "I don't want to hurt their feelings."
If you’re on the low end, people will perceive you as an asshole. But from your perspective? You’re just being efficient. You’re being "real." This disconnect is where most social friction happens. You aren't necessarily trying to be a villain; your brain just doesn't prioritize the "warm fuzzies" that keep society lubricated.
Can You Actually Change the "Born" Part?
Neuroplasticity is the silver lining here.
Even if you were dealt a bad hand genetically, the brain is remarkably plastic. Habits of "asshole-ishness" are like ruts in a dirt road. The more you drive through them, the deeper they get. But you can steer out of them. It just takes a massive amount of conscious effort that most "natural" jerks aren't willing to put in.
Why? Because being an asshole often works.
In business, "disagreeable" people often negotiate better salaries. They don't get bogged down by people-pleasing. They take the last slice of pizza because they're hungry, and they don't feel the social guilt that keeps everyone else polite. When a behavior is rewarded, the brain has zero incentive to change it, regardless of what the DNA says.
The Environmental Paradox
Sometimes, the "born this way" excuse is just a shield.
We see this in "Secondary Psychopathy." These aren't people born without empathy; they are people who turned it off as a defense mechanism. If you grew up in an environment where kindness was weakness, your brain adapted. You became an asshole to survive. Over time, that adaptation becomes your identity. You start to believe it’s just who you are.
It’s a survival strategy that outlived the threat.
How to Tell if it's You (and What to Do)
If you’re worried that you were born an asshole, the good news is that truly "born" assholes—the clinical psychopaths—usually don't care enough to ask the question. If you’re feeling guilt, you’ve got the hardware for change.
Start by tracking your "friction points." Where do people keep getting mad at you? Is it your tone? Your lack of listening? Your need to "win" every conversation?
Actionable Steps for the "Naturally Disagreeable":
- The 5-Second Pause: Before responding to a criticism, count to five. This forces the prefrontal cortex to engage before the impulsive "warrior gene" response takes over.
- Cognitive Empathy Training: If you can't feel what others feel, learn to calculate it. Ask yourself: "If I were them, what would be the most annoying thing about me right now?" It’s empathy via logic rather than emotion.
- Audit Your Rewards: Stop rewarding your own bad behavior. If you got your way by being a jerk, acknowledge that you traded long-term social capital for a short-term win.
- Check Your Biology: Sometimes, "asshole-ishness" is actually undiagnosed ADHD (impulsivity), high stress (cortisol spikes), or even sleep deprivation. Fix the body, and the personality often follows.
You might have been born with a predisposition toward being difficult. You might have a brain that finds empathy exhausting and conflict exciting. But biology isn't a life sentence. It's just a starting position. Whether you stay an asshole is entirely a matter of practice.
