You’ve probably seen it by now. A scanned image of a high school or college philosophy paper, riddled with aggressive red ink from a bewildered instructor. The student attempted to analyze Mario (the plumber, the legend) through a pseudo-philosophical lens, but they made one fatal linguistic error that the internet refused to let die. The teacher's note, circled in a desperate, jagged loop, simply read: "You can't just say perchance."
It was a vibe. It was a movement.
Why did a random grading comment from a frustrated educator turn into a cornerstone of 2020s internet humor? Honestly, it’s because it perfectly captured the "confidently incorrect" energy that defines our era. We are living in a time where everyone wants to sound like an intellectual powerhouse, but we often end up sounding like a Victorian ghost trying to explain a Nintendo Switch.
The Origin Story of a Linguistic Crime
In early 2022, a Twitter user named @v_p0p (who has since gone by various handles) posted a photo of a paper titled "Mario, the Idea vs. Mario, the Man." It was a masterpiece of unintentional comedy. The essay didn't just lean into the "Mario is a hero" trope; it sprinted toward it with the grace of a confused giraffe.
The student wrote: "Mario the Idea vs. Mario the Man. Everyone knows Mario is cool as fuck. But why do we care about what he does?"
Then came the kicker. The very next sentence began with: "Perchance."
The instructor was not having it. They crossed it out. They wrote the now-legendary phrase in the margin. The teacher likely thought they were teaching a lesson about sentence fragments and the improper use of archaic adverbs. Instead, they were handing the internet a brand new catchphrase.
You can't just drop a "perchance" into a sentence to make it sound smart. It doesn't work that way. It’s like wearing a tuxedo to a Taco Bell; you aren't more refined, you're just out of place.
Why the Internet Latched On
Memes usually thrive on a mix of relatability and absurdity. We have all been that student. We’ve all been at 3:00 AM, three pages short of a word count, trying to sound like Socrates while writing about something as fundamentally silly as a man who eats mushrooms to grow larger.
The "perchance" meme isn't just about the word. It's about the theatre of intelligence. The student was trying to "stomp a turty" (another legendary line from the same paper) in the world of academia. They used "perchance" as a shortcut to gravitas. The teacher’s blunt correction—"You can't just say perchance"—felt like a cosmic rebuke to every person who has ever tried to use a thesaurus to mask a lack of research.
The Anatomy of the Mario Paper
Let's look at the actual text, because it is genuinely wild. The essay starts by claiming that Mario is a "cool as fuck" protagonist. It then dives into the concept of "crushing turts" at a "local convention."
Wait. Turts?
The student was referring to Koopa Troopa shells. But they called them "turts." This is the kind of linguistic innovation you only see once in a generation. It’s basically Shakespearean if Shakespeare had played Super Mario 64 for eighteen hours straight.
The teacher’s corrections throughout the paper are a masterclass in professional restraint. Beside the phrase "stomp a turty," there is a simple, pained "No." Beside the claim that Mario is a "man of the people," there is a question mark that seems to vibrate with existential dread.
The Rule of Three (Sorta)
There are three main reasons this specific paper went viral:
- The jarring juxtaposition of "cool as fuck" and "perchance."
- The sheer confidence of the "Idea vs. Man" premise.
- The teacher's "fed up" energy.
Most people focus on the "perchance" line because it hits on a specific pet peeve for writers. It’s a "filler" word used by people who think "perhaps" is too common and "maybe" is for peasants. But "perchance" carries a specific weight. It implies a certain poetic license that a paper about Mario simply hasn't earned.
The Cultural Impact and the "Perchance" Legacy
Since the original tweet exploded, "perchance" has entered the lexicon of Gen Z and Gen Alpha as a multipurpose response. You can use it to mock someone being pretentious. You can use it to dodge a question. You can use it just to see the eye roll it inevitably triggers.
It’s a bit like the "I am once again asking" Bernie Sanders meme or the "Woman Yelling at a Cat." It provides a template for a specific kind of interaction. When someone says you can't just say perchance, they aren't just talking about grammar anymore. They are talking about the audacity of the human spirit.
Language Evolves, Even if Professors Hate It
Linguists often talk about "prestige dialects." These are the ways of speaking that we associate with power and education. Using words like "perchance" is an attempt to signal that you belong in that prestige group.
But language also has a "bottom-up" evolution. Slang, memes, and internet "brainrot" terms eventually seep into the way we actually communicate. Ten years ago, if you used "perchance" in a casual conversation, people would think you were a theater kid. Today, they think you're referencing a meme about a plumber.
The irony? By trying to sound formal, the student actually created a new form of informal slang.
How to Actually Use "Perchance" Without Getting Roasted
If you actually want to use the word "perchance" in a sentence and not have a teacher hunt you down with a red pen, you have to understand its function. It’s a modal adverb. It essentially means "by some chance" or "perhaps."
But it’s archaic.
If you’re writing a screenplay set in 17th-century London, go for it. If you’re writing a poem about the fleeting nature of autumn leaves, "perchance" fits. If you are writing a business email about the Q4 projections or a paper about a video game character, you are asking for trouble.
The Vibe Check
Context is everything. The student’s mistake wasn't the word itself; it was the tonal whiplash. You can't start a paragraph by calling someone "cool as fuck" and then pivot to "perchance." That’s like wearing a tuxedo jacket with Hawaiian swim trunks. It’s a choice, certainly, but it’s a choice that invites mockery.
Honestly, the best way to use it today is ironically. Use it when you’re being intentionally silly.
- "Perchance, would you like to go to McDonald's?"
- "Are you going to finish that sandwich? Perchance?"
In these cases, the humor comes from the fact that you know you shouldn't be saying it. You are in on the joke.
The Philosophy of Mario: Was the Student Actually Right?
Beneath the memes and the "turts," was there a point to the essay?
The idea of "The Idea vs. The Man" is a legitimate philosophical framework. It’s basically Platonism. Plato argued that there is an "ideal" version of everything (the Idea) and then the physical manifestations of that thing (the Man).
The "Idea" of Mario is heroism, persistence, and jumping. The "Man" of Mario is a short, middle-aged Italian-American plumber who lives in a mushroom kingdom. The student was trying to bridge that gap.
They failed. They failed spectacularly. But in that failure, they touched on something real. We do project a lot onto these digital avatars. We turn them into icons. We make them "cool as fuck."
The "Stomp a Turty" Defense
Is "stomp a turty" a valid description of Mario’s gameplay loop?
Yes.
Is it academic?
Absolutely not.
But that’s the beauty of the internet. It takes these high-low brow collisions and elevates them to art. We love seeing the collision of the formal world (grading, philosophy, academia) and the chaotic world of gaming and internet slang.
Actionable Takeaways: Learning from the Perchance Fiasco
If you want to avoid becoming a meme for the wrong reasons—or if you want to lean into the meme for the right ones—here is how you handle your vocabulary.
1. Know Your Audience If you are writing for a professor, stick to the rubric. Avoid "cool as fuck." Avoid "turts." And for the love of everything holy, avoid "perchance" unless you are quoting Hamlet.
2. Embrace the Irony If you are on social media, lean into the absurdity. The "perchance" meme works because it acknowledges how silly formal language can be in a casual setting. Use it to punctuate a joke, not to make yourself sound smarter.
3. Watch Your Tonal Shifts Consistency is the key to good writing. If you start casual, stay casual. If you start formal, stay formal. Tonal whiplash is what gets you circled in red ink.
4. Check Your Definitions Before you use an "intellectual" word, make sure you know what it actually does in a sentence. Most people use "perchance" as a synonym for "maybe," but it carries a much heavier, more poetic connotation. Use "perhaps" instead. It’s safer.
5. Keep Crushing Turts Metaphorically speaking. Whatever your "Mario" is—whatever weird hobby or niche interest you have—don't be afraid to talk about it. Just maybe leave the 19th-century adverbs at the door.
The saga of the Mario paper reminds us that writing is hard, grading is harder, and the internet is the harshest critic of all. But it also shows that even a "C-minus" effort can change the world. Or at least change the way we use one specific, outdated word.
Perchance.
